Wishing for sanity
by daisychains123
Summary: This is my take on how Remus found out about the events of 31st October 1981. The events that would change his view on life forever. Thanks to Dumbledoresgirl1 for betaing!


Remus Lupin thought he had a good life; well, as good as can be expected from a 23-year-old werewolf, anyway. He had a simple home away from other people, a constant (if not well-paying) job, and he had his friends. His wonderful accepting, loyal friends, James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. There was also James's wife, Lily, and their son Harry. Harry had taken an instant liking to Remus; his third word had been "Mooy."

Yes, Remus felt that he had it pretty good.

But sometimes, he wished for things that he thought were impossible;

things that he thought would make his life better.

He wished that the war was over; that Voldemort would disappear. He

wished that the people he knew and cared about weren't in danger. He

wished that he wasn't a werewolf and that he didn't turn into a raging beast

every month. He wished that there was a cure for lycanthropy.

Remus wished for sanity.

Sirius would groan and say, "But being sane is so boring!"

James would nod, adding, "If you're sane, you have nothing!"

But still he wished for sanity.

He awoke with a moan. It had been a full moon last night, Halloween, and he was lying on the ground in the cellar of his home. Remus sat up slowly, wincing at the pain. His friends hadn't been able to accompany him last night, and it showed. He stood gingerly, taking slow steps up the staircase that lead into his living room, resting every minute or so.

He made it up eventually, and started toward the bathroom. After showering, and cleaning up some of his wounds, Remus made his way into the kitchen to make some toast and tea. He had just sat down to his breakfast when a tapping came at the window. He had to rise again to allow the owl to enter.

He thought, later on, that maybe he should've been more suspicious when the owl simply dropped the Daily Prophet on the table and left without waiting to be paid; however, he had shrugged it off and had taken a sip of his tea as he opened the paper. It took a second for what he was seeing to fully hit him.

GODRICS HOLLOW ATTACKED

JAMES AND LILY POTTER DEAD

YOU-KNOW-WHO GONE

HARRY POTTER,"THE BOY WHO LIVED!

And, lower on the page,

SIRIUS BLACK MURDERS 12 MUGGLES AND WIZARD

The headlines were all over the paper, and Remus felt full-blown fear

course through him.

"_Late last night, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named arrived at the Potters home and killed both James and Lily Potter; however, their son, Harry, is said to be the one who finally defeated You-Know-Who. Both Lily and _

_James Potter were hit by the Killing Curse. You-Know-Who then attempted to kill Harry, but he somehow survived, vanquishing the darkness that has reigned for more than a decade. _

_We asked Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, of his opinion of this amazing occurrence. "All I can say is that Harry is safe where he is now; I have no intention of revealing this location to the general public." (For more information, turn to page 2)_

Directly under the first article,

_Sirius Black was the Potters' Secret Keeper, and, amazingly, betrayed them to You-Know-Who. Some people who thought they knew Black were surprised. ˜The two of them Potter and Black were always together. They came in all the time and flirted with me while they were at Hogwarts,' Madame Rosmerta, bartender of the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade, said in an interview. 'I never would have thought that Black would be a Death Eater.'_

_A friend of the Potters, Peter Pettigrew, is also dead, as are 12 Muggles after Pettigrew hunted down Black and cornered him in a street. Witnesses say he could be heard shouting 'Lily and James, Sirius! How _

_could you?' before he went for his wand. Devastatingly, Black was quicker, and blew up the street, killing Pettigrew and 12 innocent Muggles. _

_All that could be found of Pettigrew was a finger. He has been awarded the Order of Merlin, first class, which has been passed on to his grieving mother. Sirius Black was then caught by the Ministry, and has been sentenced without trial to a life sentence in Azkaban._ 

That was as far as Remus read. Could read. Tears were threatening to fall, and he felt as though someone had stabbed him repeatedly in the heart. He just wouldn't die, would he? Sirius couldn't have betrayed James and Lily, he was James's brother in all but blood, and yet the proof was staring him in the face, in black and white.

He went to push the paper away, but his blurry eyes caught one last heading, although it was much smaller than the others.

STEP FORWARD IN CURE TO LYCANTHROPY,

WOLFSBANE POTION A SUCCESS

Remus couldn't help it. He cried, and the tears blazed down his cheeks in a torrent of pain.

"Well, Remus," he laughed bitterly "You got what you wished for. Voldemort's gone, the war is over, they aren't in danger anymore, and there's a cure to your 'furry little problem.'

He felt his eyes close, and he rested his head on the table in front of

him, wishing that he could drown in his tears, wishing that the war was

still going on, wishing there was no cure, wishing James, Lily, Peter

and Sirius were safe, and loyal, and alive.

Remus Lupin wished for insanity.

James had been right. He had nothing.

And still, he wished for insanity.

Thanks to Dumbledoresgirl1 for Beta-ing! You are awesome! (Have a cookie!!!)


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